I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
