i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
