She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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