my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
