You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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