I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
