So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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