Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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