This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
