I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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