the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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