You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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