He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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