proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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