I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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