I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
