I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
