I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
