i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
