We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
