Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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