imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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