I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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