A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i love accidental penises.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
