I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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