just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
