my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
