Say something about gay babies.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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