So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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