i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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