I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
