She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
