she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
