maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
