So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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