I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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