my mouth tastes like poor choices
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
