so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
