spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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