Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
