It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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