Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
