saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
