i was born a porn star she said
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
