so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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