Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
