If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
