3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My liver just broke up with me...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I FOUND THE LEGS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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