I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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