The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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