Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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