it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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