is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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