why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
