i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
