I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the raccoons are back...
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