Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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