Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
