But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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