it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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