My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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