you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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