i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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