I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
