well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
