Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
