she told me i tasted like america
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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