i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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