New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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