The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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