Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
