my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You pole danced in your parka.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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