Just fell off a train. Bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
