i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
