We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
